101 rules of Death metal
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101 rules of Death metal
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9.2 | 46 votes |
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1. Follow the rules of Death Metal 2. Death Metallers need to have really long hair (maybe down to their ankles) or no hair at all but a long beard 3. Always add a couple of blood stains in your band logo 4. Don't you ever write satanic lyrics unless you are Glen Benton 5. Be Glen Benton 6. Use the word "Skull" instead of "School" to be brutal 7. Hate subgenres, there's nothing more than "Old School Death Metal" period 8. Always claim to be Old School, even if you don't know who Xecutioner were 9. You hate the fact that people say "Death" created the genre 10. If you have an Arch Enemy record always say the following: "They suck, but Angela Gossow is sooo hot" 11. You already sold your "In Flames" albums along with everything that it's not "Old School" 12. Try to look really pissed in photos 13. Always look at the camera, but your face must be pointing upwards or downwards 14. Be GROOOOOOOWL 15. Use the word Growl a lot 16. Tell people you lived to see the "Tape Trading" days even when you're only 15 years old 17. Use a lot?and I mean a freaking lot of Breakdowns in your music 18. Always copy the riffs of someone else 19. Jump whenever you hear the main riff of "Hammer Smashed Face" 20. Hide your Cannibal Corpse albums from your mom 21. Always end the name of your band with the postfix "Ation" (Suffocation, Immolation, Incantation, Tribulation, etc.) 22. If you can't think of any name with "Ation" replace it with "Ment" (Enthrallment, Dismemberment, Abolishment, Cadaverment, etc.) 23. Ok, let's say you still can't think of any name?there's still "Ence" for you (Abhorrence, Vehemence, Benevolence, Decadence, etc.) 24. Chances are you'll end up naming your band Disgorge anyway? 25. Fart a lot 26. Burp a lot 27. Don't have a girlfriend 28. If you have a girlfriend Burp and Fart on her nose? 29. You were a member of Death 30. People say you are(were) a member of Brujeria 31. Make sure to bring your meathook for a sodomy night 32. Be extremely GROOOOOOWL 33. End a phrase with GROOOOOOOWL 34. Don't you ever?EVER?listen to Melodeath 35. Hate Melodeath by any means 36. Melodeath is totally gay 37. You have "Heartwork" in you CD collection 38. "Heartwork" was the first Melodeath album ever released 39. Therefore you're gay 40. Then you seriously hate Swedish Death Metal? 41. Swedish Metal is totally gay 42. You have the entire Unleashed collection 43. Unleashed is a Swedish Death Band 44. Therefore you're gay 45. You still hate bands like Dark Tranquility and In Flames 46. That doesn't mean you're not gay 47. You have the amazing capability of contradicting yourself 48. Always go to concerts and leave with blood in your face 49. The blood must be of someone else's nose 50. Mosh till your arms fall out from your body 51. Mosh until your legs break in half 52. TorsoMOSH!!! 53. Erik Rutan mastered your record 54. In Death Metal orgasms always come with pain instead of pleasure 55. Hate everything that is not Death Metal 56. Hate everything that is not GROWL 57. You were never a kid 58. You were born an adult 59. Have no sense of humor 60. Pee outside the can 61. Eat nothing but read meat and things that make your body fat 62. Be fat 63. Try to be extremely fat 64. If you're not fat you are Trey Azagthoth 65. Tell a cartoonist to draw your album cover 66. Tell him you want a lot of blood and sex in it 67. Always use a lot of naked chicks in your covers 68. Those naked chicks are obviously cadavers 69. Sodomize the cadavers found in your artwork 70. Dismember the cadavers in your artwork that you already sodomized 71. Have sex with the remaining parts 72. You have to be seriously sick in the head to be a Death Metaller 73. If you don't have naked chicks available, use anything that looks like pulp for your album cover 74. The good trick comes when you use pulpified fruits that look kind of Gore 75. Name your songs after diseases that don't even exist. 76. Try to use "Semen" a lot when writing lyrics 77. "Flesh", "Skin", "Bowels" and words that sound creepy are so Brutal 78. Hate Black Metal 79. You only use Black Metal words (like "Necro") to name your band 80. You only like Philip Anselmo for being a member of "Necrophagia" 81. You maybe still respect Thrash Metal bands like Pantera and Metallica 82. Pantera used to be Glam Metal and Metallica released a Nu-Metal album 83. Therefore you're gay 84. There's no way possible for you to escape gayness 85. You don't use a Bass for layers or synchronization, you use it to make your music illegible and Gore 86. You can poo in public places 87. Never say "poo" always go with "Feces" 88. Faeces are so Br00Tall 89. For you Carcass died after "Necroticism?" 90. Always use fake blood at a concert 91. It's not Brutal, it's Br00Tall 92. Blast Beats are our friends 93. Remember to play as fast as Diarrhea 94. Hate trees, trolls, wolves, and non-Br00tall things, they're gay 95. Love guts, blood, cannibals, murder, and GROWL things, they're still gay but GROWL 96. Be Gore enough to scare kids and moms 97. Keep your Gore level down for your friends, you're still a social being 98. Download tons of porn 99. Say Hostel and SAW III were mild movies even though you almost puked in the theatre 100. Don't talk?Growl 101. Make sure you're dumb and loser enough to write 101 rules for Death Metal, in other cases, be dumb and loser enough to read 101 stupid phrases about Death Metal. |
Comments page 4 / 4
| blackdoomy Posts: 51 From: Syria  |
Hahahaha that was freaking fucking awesome!!! haaaaaaaaaaail dumbs 
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| Vivi' Posts: 175 From: Bulgaria  |
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| Tsk! [BR] Account deleted |
Tsk! [BR]
Account deleted Written by Vivi' on 23.01.2011 at 00:37 Agreed!Growwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwl
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| ScreamingSteelUS Editor-in-Chief Posts: 5669 From: USA  |
I'm guilty of #20 and #27.
---- "Earth is small and I hate it" - Lum Invader I'm the Agent of Steel.
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| Beastofmetal456 Account deleted |
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| GroundZero Posts: 90 From: Mexico  |
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| Guib Thrash Talker Posts: 3054 From: Canada  |
GROOOOOWWWWWLLL !!! This thread sucks and you're GAY ! RAAAAAWWWRRR. fucked it up, GROOOWWWWWL And Arch Enemy never existed even though I like them in secret and got them among my fav bands!! RAWWWR Fuck you all for being so gay ! DM POWER !!! and BTW this shit is unacurate since Im slim and im not Trey !!! WTF's up in your head M%$#@%$#ing idiot !!! GROWWWWLLLL
---- - Headbanging with mostly clogged arteries to that stuff - Guib's List Of Essential Albums - Also Thrash Paradise Thrash Here
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| Beastofmetal456 Account deleted |
Beastofmetal456
Account deleted Written by Guest on 08.03.2011 at 02:07 Yes. Mildly good stuff.
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| BeastOfMetal456 Account deleted |
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| Void Eater Account deleted |
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| Marcel Hubregtse Grumpy Old Fuck Posts: 40071 From: The Netherlands  |
Even though old school gets mentioned here this is way too focused on the slicker overproduced modern variant which is crap death metal. see rules 17 en 91 as Void said and also the use of the word "gay".
---- Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.) 05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996 
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| Daggon Underpaid M.D. Posts: 1689 From: Mexico  |
There's something strange, MetalSucks have their "own" list of rules of Death Metal, but they are from one year later, funny thing, those ones feature a lot of rules written here, but not "similar" rules, I mean, the same rules! hahaha. http://www.metalsucks.net/2007/06/20/the-101-rules-of-death-metal/ Well, still don't know if someone invented this funny stuff before, is the internet after all...
---- "Les vers savent qu'ils n'ont pas d'ailes, c'est pour cela qu'ils se cachent sous terre"
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| Jaeryd Nihil's Maw Posts: 1062 From: USA  |
Written by Daggon on 21.08.2013 at 20:04 Damn. Half of those rules on metalsucks.net are a straight rip-off. Not cool.
---- 
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| Marcel Hubregtse Grumpy Old Fuck Posts: 40071 From: The Netherlands |
Written by Jaeryd on 26.09.2013 at 09:11 sorry to burst all of your bubbles but the rules here aren't original either and weren't thought up by Herzebeth. These rules have been circulating on the net for ages before it was posted here. The only reeason you see a name accompanying all the rules lists is because that's the person that submitted them. I submitted the doom rules but did not make them myself. The only original rules list oin MS is the one about 101 rules to be a Metalstormer
---- Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.) 05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996
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| mz Posts: 4773  |
this article is a good addition to these rules.
---- Giving my ears a rest from music.
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| endsakura Posts: 1 From: China |
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| Darth Revan Posts: 147 From: USA |
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| NocturnusAlexhl Posts: 3 From: Russia  |
"You have to be seriously sick in the head to be a Death Metaller" yes yes you do but explain to me this hating black metal stuff I consider myself a black and death metaller... 
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| theFIST Posts: 1061 From: Austria  |
Written by NocturnusAlexhl on 29.05.2014 at 19:12 quite easy, those are opposed camps i am a black and death metaller as well so of course as a death metaller i hate black metal and as a black metaller i hate death metal.....  well, that kind of thinking is what happens with collectivism
---- http://metalstormmusicianscorner.bandcamp.com Written by Warman on 07.11.2007 at 22:39
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| Amy Posts: 137 From: USA |
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| Karlabos Meat and Potatos Posts: 5658 From: Brazil  |
^ This image comes to mind 
---- "Aah! The cat turned into a cat!" - Reimu Hakurei
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| hardmetal Posts: 4 From: UK  |
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