Hey, thanks for your reply, it helps. Maybe it is important, that one should feel whole, and self-fulfilled before they reach out for another.

This is my first post after a long time, and what it is going to be about if not love. I have trouble figuring out what to do about this girl i really like. I was thinking long and hard, and then i remembered i could ask this "lovely" community for help. So i ask for your help, advice, anything...
I met this girl i believe in September last year in a train ride to the city where my college is. (I travel about 40 km to college every day, witch is common in this poorer areas of Serbia) I recognized her from before, i saw her at college few times talking to my friends but we never shared a word until that night. After realizing that she recognized me too i approached her and started talking to her, witch is very uncommon for me. We were talking the whole 1,5 hour ride, and i got to know her a little and started to like her (She doesn't live in the city where i am from, she was just visiting her grandma that day...what a happy coincidence). After that i night i only saw her few times, but only passing by and never actually talked to her again. But she always smiled, and she lit up every time she saw me. Thanks to my social awkwardness and introvertism, i couldn't gather enough courage to stop and talk to her, and i only recently acknowledged that she might like me. (after she fucking liked my picture on Facebook group, thought we are not Facebook friends). The problem is the school year is almost over and i can only get to see her maybe few times this month, maybe not even once.
So i was thinking to ask her out the very next chance i get, but i don't know if that is a good idea after this long time has passed. And also, do i add her on facebook or not, it's kinda awkward for me to start a conversation on facebook with the person that i am not that close to in "real life"...:noidea:

Written by Da?bog on 11.06.2015 at 02:09

So i was thinking to ask her out the very next chance i get, but i don't know if that is a good idea after this long time has passed. And also, do i add her on facebook or not, it's kinda awkward for me to start a conversation on facebook with the person that i am not that close to in "real life"...:noidea:

Hey dude, I don't think adding her on facebook would be seem creepy or anything, especially if she is already 'liking' your shit. In terms of asking her out after only a few conversations, I'm not sure there - maybe someone else will have advice. But in my experience Facebook messenger is a pretty common way of getting to know people these days, so add her, talk to her, see if you have mutual interests etc.

And I wouldn't be too concerned about social awkwardness and introversion, that's normal. For a lot of people it takes years of maturing and life experiences to gain the confidence to overcome, I'm still working on that myself.

Written by Timmeh on 09.06.2015 at 06:31

I'm in a pretty difficult spot right now. We just broke up after 2 and a half years. But it's not like the usual massive fight/gone to shit/hell on Earth end. It was a mutual agreement. We're still very much in love. From what I've read around the place this sort of ending is a pretty rare occurrence.

Basically a relationship is about effort right? Effort from both sides. If both parties are too busy doing other shit then the whole thing suffers. For me it was playing guitar, exploring music and the stupidly huge amount of things I'm interested in. I'm a young guy hey I want time to myself to learn and be productive... We basically decided that this effort is not being put towards the relationship, and that our time is too taken up by other things and that we should end it now before shit goes to hell...

But it is now in this time of great pain I've realised... well at least I've hypothesized. That the reward of effort and love from both sides means a happier existence.

We only have so much time to devote, do I follow the demands of my aspirations? or do I stream energy and time into a relationship?
If a happy relationship; one where you genuinely make each other happier in this strange journey of existence, a partnership that may literally mean the most blissful and beautiful way to experience this universe as a human being. Maybe I should drown my aspirations... Forget the idea of writing books, writing albums, getting a PhD.

Maybe none of that matters when one could be eternally happy.
How does one go about life?

this is why I am single, I have things to do online ..

Lol, oh BE... Metal is your soulmate. So, no plans for one day changing your outlook?

Written by Timmeh on 11.06.2015 at 03:24

Lol, oh BE... Metal is your soulmate. So, no plans for one day changing your outlook?

never

Written by Timmeh on 11.06.2015 at 03:00

Written by Da?bog on 11.06.2015 at 02:09

So i was thinking to ask her out the very next chance i get, but i don't know if that is a good idea after this long time has passed. And also, do i add her on facebook or not, it's kinda awkward for me to start a conversation on facebook with the person that i am not that close to in "real life"...:noidea:

Hey dude, I don't think adding her on facebook would be seem creepy or anything, especially if she is already 'liking' your shit. In terms of asking her out after only a few conversations, I'm not sure there - maybe someone else will have advice. But in my experience Facebook messenger is a pretty common way of getting to know people these days, so add her, talk to her, see if you have mutual interests etc.

And I wouldn't be too concerned about social awkwardness and introversion, that's normal. For a lot of people it takes years of maturing and life experiences to gain the confidence to overcome, I'm still working on that myself.

Hey, thanks for the reply...yeah you're probably right about fb, it's way too common thing now to be creepy or awkward. In terms of social awkwardness, you said you were dealing with it yourself, do you have any advice on that area? How do you deal with that shit?

Written by Da?bog on 11.06.2015 at 11:47

Hey, thanks for the reply...yeah you're probably right about fb, it's way too common thing now to be creepy or awkward. In terms of social awkwardness, you said you were dealing with it yourself, do you have any advice on that area? How do you deal with that shit?

Ha, man that is a very philosophical and potentially complicated question. You'll work it out in time.
For me I can be extroverted with friends but find it really hard to do with people I don't know. I've never really had a deep social anxiety problem or anything, so I'm probably not the best person to ask.

I guess the main bit of advice is to just be your honest and true self, if people don't like it fuck them, that's their problem. Love yourself, love others, stop hanging around negative people etc. Which is basically the main ideology for Hippies and Buddhists.

But really so fucking what if Bob from over the road from you doesn't like you, and makes his dog shit on your yard or if Cindy who works at the corner store looks at you weird. It doesn't mean shit to you.

I'm kind of an alternative guy, much of my development came through the changes in my mind due to university education and psychedelics .
Also you could try checking out Joe Rogan and/or Duncan Trussell videos on youtube they're pretty inspirational people. In fact listening to them talking about relationships made me get over the post-breakup depression I was just in super quickly.

Written by Timmeh on 11.06.2015 at 12:32

Ha, man that is a very philosophical and potentially complicated question. You'll work it out in time.
For me I can be extroverted with friends but find it really hard to do with people I don't know. I've never really had a deep social anxiety problem or anything, so I'm probably not the best person to ask.

I guess the main bit of advice is to just be your honest and true self, if people don't like it fuck them, that's their problem. Love yourself, love others, stop hanging around negative people etc. Which is basically the main ideology for Hippies and Buddhists.

But really so fucking what if Bob from over the road from you doesn't like you, and makes his dog shit on your yard or if Cindy who works at the corner store looks at you weird. It doesn't mean shit to you.

I'm kind of an alternative guy, much of my development came through the changes in my mind due to university education and psychedelics .
Also you could try checking out Joe Rogan and/or Duncan Trussell videos on youtube they're pretty inspirational people. In fact listening to them talking about relationships made me get over the post-breakup depression I was just in super quickly.

Yeah, I came to know that people don't give that much shit about what i said or did, at least not in the way I think they do...so i kinda relaxed. Education is helping me a lot too, I think the more and more i learn in life the less socially anxious I am. I think it's my mind growing and shit I handle it much, much better now...and i also learned that if i have a good friend by my side it all goes away.
Thanks you for your answers bro, i just wanted to hear somebody else's opinion and view on that problem.

Written by Da?bog on 11.06.2015 at 14:06

Yeah, I came to know that people don't give that much shit about what i said or did, at least not in the way I think they do...so i kinda relaxed. Education is helping me a lot too, I think the more and more i learn in life the less socially anxious I am. I think it's my mind growing and shit I handle it much, much better now...and i also learned that if i have a good friend by my side it all goes away.
Thanks you for your answers bro, i just wanted to hear somebody else's opinion and view on that problem.

No problem. Sounds like you're already well on the way . I totally know that 'relaxing' feeling when you work things out in your head and go wait, that's fucking stupid... why am I even thinking that?
If you can do that, it shows mental strength and that you've got a grip on things. Good luck with that girl.

Me and my wife's 4th anniversary today. Doesn't feel like four years at all, feels like maybe two... can't believe she's put up with my childish humor, my nightly guitar practicing and my laziness in cleaning the house for so long.

Written by Metren on 31.08.2016 at 12:52

Me and my wife's 4th anniversary today. Doesn't feel like four years at all, feels like maybe two...

Happy anniversary dude. And its good that it feels like less time has passed than it really did, means you were very occupied with your life and will have a long future ahead probably.

Written by Metren on 31.08.2016 at 12:52

Me and my wife's 4th anniversary today. Doesn't feel like four years at all, feels like maybe two... can't believe she's put up with my childish humor, my nightly guitar practicing and my laziness in cleaning the house for so long.

Congratulations from me too! Wish the best for years to come

Thanks, guys!!! 4 years is a long time, but oh man, I still have so much to learn.

I'm going to be honest. I never have been in a romantic relationship with a woman. I've had very good friendships with some members of the opposite sex. And, I was quite close to a actual relationship with one of my best friends until she went the wrong way (drugs)...

It's just that I'll never go and pretend to feel something which isn't there. Hypocrisy is something which I thoroughly dislike. I'm not desperate, and in fact I'm a very self-confident person; I don't need somebody to be a "whole person". Most people on the other hand, and especially women lack self-confidence, simply because there isn't even a self to speak of!

Not to mention all the excuses which are invented for plain materialistic behavior. I seek more than comfort and security in a relationship, something more than living in a petty symbiosis. That isn't love. Love is a deep connection between human beings on a physical and spiritual level...it's where "the whole" meets "the other whole"...complimentary without sacrifices and mask-plays involved...

I certainly endorse couples who are composed of authentic loving beings...I wish them all the best...

Written by Angry Soul on 03.09.2016 at 22:46

I'm going to be honest. I never have been in a romantic relationship with a woman. I've had very good friendships with some members of the opposite sex. And, I was quite close to a actual relationship with one of my best friends until she went the wrong way (drugs)...

It's just that I'll never go and pretend to feel something which isn't there. Hypocrisy is something which I thoroughly dislike. I'm not desperate, and in fact I'm a very self-confident person; I don't need somebody to be a "whole person". Most people on the other hand, and especially women lack self-confidence, simply because there isn't even a self to speak of!

Not to mention all the excuses which are invented for plain materialistic behavior. I seek more than comfort and security in a relationship, something more than living in a petty symbiosis. That isn't love. Love is a deep connection between human being on a physical and spiritual level...it's where "the whole" meets "the other whole"...complimentary without sacrifices and mask-plays involved...

I certainly endorse couples who are composed of authentic loving beings...I wish them all the best...

same here and now I am not 20 I am 30 and all we are getting older and so on and after so long I dunno if I want and can be whit someone

Written by Angry Soul on 03.09.2016 at 22:46

I'm going to be honest. I never have been in a romantic relationship with a woman. I've had very good friendships with some members of the opposite sex. And, I was quite close to a actual relationship with one of my best friends until she went the wrong way (drugs)...

It's just that I'll never go and pretend to feel something which isn't there. Hypocrisy is something which I thoroughly dislike. I'm not desperate, and in fact I'm a very self-confident person; I don't need somebody to be a "whole person". Most people on the other hand, and especially women lack self-confidence, simply because there isn't even a self to speak of!

Not to mention all the excuses which are invented for plain materialistic behavior. I seek more than comfort and security in a relationship, something more than living in a petty symbiosis. That isn't love. Love is a deep connection between human being on a physical and spiritual level...it's where "the whole" meets "the other whole"...complimentary without sacrifices and mask-plays involved...

I certainly endorse couples who are composed of authentic loving beings...I wish them all the best...

I like this post. Especially the 2nd paragraph.
It makes me realize I haven't never loved anyone for real. Hence why I was also never in a serious relationship.

I often see people saying they have a "crush" on someone and suddenly they can't get them out of their mind, they think about people all day... I wonder...Am I just apathic or something? Because I never felt that way. When facing a person of the opposite sex I either find her attractive or not and that's it.

Yeah, I'm also growing old and probably won't ever be in a relationship. The primary reason being because to be honest I'm not really interested in one. I can live with myself just fine, and won't change that unless I find a person who is genuinely better to live with than living alone. Still... After all those years I take it I wouldn't be able to take the change. I think people who've been alone too much time get attached to it and don't feel like giving the benefits of it away. Conversely people who have been on a relationship for too long can't handle giving away the benefits of it either, that's why we often see people who just broke up entering another relationship so desperately quickly... They also can't handle the change. That's how humans are after all, we are conformist...

But I'm not worried by it or anything... Most people seem to make it like relationship is either "the" or one of the goals of life. Relatives keep saying "you need to find someone or you'll end up alone" Was that supposed to be scary? I see nothing wrong with a person being alone. Some people seem to settle with the worst companion ever just for the sake of avoiding it, this I don't understand... I've seen friends getting married and then never socializing again because their girl simply won't allow them to go out with the friends (?) Why would one romantic relationship have to erase the non-romantic ones? If my so said that to me once I'd break up right away =p

Written by Karlabos on 04.09.2016 at 00:54



But I'm not worried by it or anything... Most people seem to make it like relationship is either "the" or one of the goals of life. Relatives keep saying "you need to find someone or you'll end up alone" Was that supposed to be scary? I see nothing wrong with a person being alone. Some people seem to settle with the worst companion ever just for the sake of avoiding it, this I don't understand... I've seen friends getting married and then never socializing again because their girl simply won't allow them to go out with the friends (?) Why would one romantic relationship have to erase the non-romantic ones? If my so said that to me once I'd break up right away =p

Yes, getting into a relationship can make you even more alone than you were without a partner.

Written by [user id=136611] on 04.09.2016 at 02:36

Written by Karlabos on 04.09.2016 at 00:54



But I'm not worried by it or anything... Most people seem to make it like relationship is either "the" or one of the goals of life. Relatives keep saying "you need to find someone or you'll end up alone" Was that supposed to be scary? I see nothing wrong with a person being alone. Some people seem to settle with the worst companion ever just for the sake of avoiding it, this I don't understand... I've seen friends getting married and then never socializing again because their girl simply won't allow them to go out with the friends (?) Why would one romantic relationship have to erase the non-romantic ones? If my so said that to me once I'd break up right away =p

Yes, getting into a relationship can make you even more alone than you were without a partner.

That's deep.

Written by [user id=136611] on 04.09.2016 at 02:36
Yes, getting into a relationship can make you even more alone than you were without a partner.

Very true. In fact, some people remain strangers all their lives long...I take my own parents as a example here...

I think it's nice to see people who have not left reason at the door.

I agree with you Karlabos. I think that if you've not "fallen into the trap" for a certain amount of time, then you'll get used to it. I guess we're both "used to the way things are", and thinking about it, if a woman would enter a special place within my life...then I certainly would make it clear from the very beginning; that we should remain true to who we are. I don't want my woman to turn into something which she's not...and vice versa...I won't sacrifice myself in that way... We should be able to "breath" so-to-speak...

On the other hand, I'm quite curious...what does it mean to love and to be loved by a particular person...in a romantic way? I've had quite a number of crushes (which are always rose-tinted and temporary), but I've never had the chance to master the art called love, at least in a romantic way...because it actually is a art, love...something which you can develop. Friendship is also a form of love, and I've learned a lot about developing that...otherwise I would never have been able to be in a friendship with somebody for more than 25 years now...

Written by Angry Soul on 04.09.2016 at 13:50

Written by [user id=136611] on 04.09.2016 at 02:36
Yes, getting into a relationship can make you even more alone than you were without a partner.

Very true. In fact, some people remain strangers all their lives long...I take my own parents as a example here...

I think it's nice to see people who have not left reason at the door.

I agree with you Karlabos. I think that if you've not "fallen into the trap" for a certain amount of time, then you'll get used to it. I guess we're both "used to the way things are", and thinking about it, if a woman would enter a special place within my life...then I certainly would make it clear from the very beginning; that we should remain true to who we are. I don't want my woman to turn into something which she's not...and vice versa...I won't sacrifice myself in that way... We should be able to "breath" so-to-speak...

On the other hand, I'm quite curious...what does it mean to love and to be loved by a particular person...in a romantic way? I've had quite a number of crushes (which are always rose-tinted and temporary), but I've never had the chance to master the art called love, at least in a romantic way...because it actually is a art, love...something which you can develop. Friendship is also a form of love, and I've learned a lot about developing that...otherwise I would never have been able to be in a friendship with somebody for more than 25 years now...

romanticism is just something you have at the start, you have to get over that part which can last a year or maybe even 5, to start to know if your lives bond well together. And then the love isn't something as lite as being in love with your friends, it waaaay deeper than that. I think it's probably something you might only understand once you have been there.

Nothing to add, really. Well said...

Written by Cynic Metalhead on 04.09.2016 at 11:43

Written by [user id=136611] on 04.09.2016 at 02:36

Yes, getting into a relationship can make you even more alone than you were without a partner.

That's deep.

Very true though.

Written by Angry Soul on 03.09.2016 at 22:46

Love is a deep connection between human beings on a physical and spiritual level...it's where "the whole" meets "the other whole"...complimentary without sacrifices and mask-plays involved...

I certainly endorse couples who are composed of authentic loving beings...I wish them all the best...

Spot on. I wonder how much time it takes people to finally understand this. The more desperate and broken and incomplete you are, the harder it is to make a relationship work. If both parties have issues, it means that sooner or later either one or both latch onto one another and start sucking the will to live out of the beloved person just to fill the voids in their souls. Or one or both end up being totally apathetic, or one or both start accusing one another of "failing to make ME happy whereas I am trying SO HARD!!!"
Then it goes all really bad and sooner or later it will end in an emotionally wrecking break-up that will haunt you for a long time and will impact other relationships because if people are still emotionally fractured, they will drag the bag of in the form of their personal and relationship issues right into the next relationship...

The sad thing is if such an unstable couple has kids... "I thought having a kid was going to fix this relationshit!"
Nope...

A relationship is only worth it if it beats being single...

Written by Ernis on 08.10.2016 at 14:13

Written by Angry Soul on 03.09.2016 at 22:46

Love is a deep connection between human beings on a physical and spiritual level...it's where "the whole" meets "the other whole"...complimentary without sacrifices and mask-plays involved...

I certainly endorse couples who are composed of authentic loving beings...I wish them all the best...

Spot on. I wonder how much time it takes people to finally understand this. The more desperate and broken and incomplete you are, the harder it is to make a relationship work. If both parties have issues, it means that sooner or later either one or both latch onto one another and start sucking the will to live out of the beloved person just to fill the voids in their souls. Or one or both end up being totally apathetic, or one or both start accusing one another of "failing to make ME happy whereas I am trying SO HARD!!!"
Then it goes all really bad and sooner or later it will end in an emotionally wrecking break-up that will haunt you for a long time and will impact other relationships because if people are still emotionally fractured, they will drag the bag of in the form of their personal and relationship issues right into the next relationship...

The sad thing is if such an unstable couple has kids... "I thought having a kid was going to fix this relationshit!"
Nope...

A relationship is only worth it if it beats being single...

Well I have a flame, but I have no connection, few weeks ago I fucked one woman, I had no connection I did not want it, well sometimes being in love 1th year can be awesome, later all somehow we killing flame, nyy cold wind and its blowjob ... now I have no passion to women, sex, only passion I have is metal music .... it will be my love., same time I talk whit women, all are taken, it feels a bit weird because you're a bit fallen, but she is not free ...

Written by Metren on 31.08.2016 at 12:52

Me and my wife's 4th anniversary today. Doesn't feel like four years at all, feels like maybe two... can't believe she's put up with my childish humor, my nightly guitar practicing and my laziness in cleaning the house for so long.

Well, here's to the fifth anniversary this time.

Written by Metren on 31.08.2017 at 21:56

Written by Metren on 31.08.2016 at 12:52

Me and my wife's 4th anniversary today. Doesn't feel like four years at all, feels like maybe two... can't believe she's put up with my childish humor, my nightly guitar practicing and my laziness in cleaning the house for so long.

Well, here's to the fifth anniversary this time.

I'm late, but congratulations

8th Anniversary with The Wife today.

Written by Metren on 31.08.2020 at 15:23

8th Anniversary with The Wife today.

Congrats on surviving the seven-year itch!
So by now she has either gotten accustomed to your whims and quirks or she doesn't really care anymore.
What's the more likely explanation?

Written by Starvynth on 31.08.2020 at 20:04

Congrats on surviving the seven-year itch!
So by now she has either gotten accustomed to your whims and quirks or she doesn't really care anymore.
What's the more likely explanation?

I can't think of a witty response, so I'll just tell the truth. We are both still very much in love. Obviously we have tougher days like all couples, but its worth it. She is the light of my life.