I'm familiar with this subject. My depression is that kind, that makes me totally numb. It takes my ability to take care of myself, take care of my living enviroment, even my ability to rise up from the bed every morning. Now... i don't mind feel a "little blue" sometimes. Hell - hatred, anguish, sadness and all negative feelings are just important to me than positive feelings. But that devastiting, crushing emptiness - I simply cannot see any glory in it, no matter of millions of metal songs that has written about it. Don't take this wrong way, I enjoy all kinds of metal forms that are decent music, sorroful doom metal and depressive black metal also. Music is my ventilator to process my feelings - some people ask, why I listen sad music that makes me even more sad? That's not true - it's my way to process things. Just like self-cutting which I did a lot before - some professional people tells me that is somekind of "cry of help". Fuck that, I really enjoyed it.

I have history with living in tight religional communion, shitloads of drugs and booze, familyviolence - you name it. But I think my problem has been my genetics. Simply my brain. Nowdays I have medication that keeps me on track. Took about two years to find just right medication for me, therapy and things like that. Now I feel able. I go to work every morning, I take care of my pets and household, I pay my bills and I do lots of creative stuff also. I like to paint and draw, and of course play guitar and bass. I still feel sometimes very bad, I'm angry and stuff but that's ok and normal. But most important things to me is ability to rise from the bed and do things. I'm no longer "crippled" like I used to be. And I'm not anymore have obsession about booze and drugs, although I like to smoke pot and drink occasionaly.

Funny thing, I had to drive to the edge to understand deeply myself, my condition and start to work with that. 2500 micrograms of acid. Did drugs kinda save my life? Ok, not funny...

Written by Slayer666 on 16.12.2011 at 18:57

No offense to anyone here, but I find these sort of discussions a bit way too serious for an Online metal forum...

Well it's as sensitive and personal a topic you can get. I can understand your point of view.

Written by FOOCK Nam on 16.12.2011 at 13:52
Buttttt...do people in you guys country discriminate to mental patient/people ? Glad to know : )

Discriminate? Not really. If anything some of the more conservative types are upset that we pay taxes for the hospitals to support the lives of those who require special care. Aside from that, most people are very understanding - especially since mental illnesses are like cancer: almost everyone knows at least one person who has it.

Written by [user id=4365] on 16.12.2011 at 18:59
...if it helps people vent and get their problems out there then I guess it's a useful tool.

That's pretty much the point. I mean it's an easy enough thread to ignore if you don't look in a lot of the general forums, and even if you search by "new posts" you just scroll down and it's gone. But for people who find solace in coming out with their problems to people they'll likely never meet, I say this thread has a purpose to serve.

So my mom and dad have self-esteem issues, my sister is a mental case, my grandma frequently forgets stuff on the stove, but reading the posts in this thread makes even my own family seem like well-adjusted, sane people

that's not to say i don't feel the pain of people who are trapped in a fucked-up household (at least now i don't even spend that much time there anymore). The bottom line is: you need to get up and go, only by removing yourself from stressful situations and keeping your brain occupied with things that make you happy will you break this soul-draining routine.

Written by Slayer666 on 16.12.2011 at 18:57

No offense to anyone here, but I find these sort of discussions a bit way too serious for an Online metal forum...

Would you rather have me denounce you cowardly Serbs for the centillionth time? Wait, of course you would.

Written by Angelic Storm on 16.12.2011 at 17:05

Written by [user id=105293] on 16.12.2011 at 15:46
I have the ability to make a person realize his/her own worth. I can make depressed people laugh and feel happy, I really can. I could convince anyone that they are great, but never myself.

Believe me, there's no way in hell you could convince me that I'm great.

There goes my raison d'être...

Written by [user id=105293] on 17.12.2011 at 01:11
There goes my raison d'être...

Oh please... lol

Written by Angelic Storm on 16.12.2011 at 17:05

Written by [user id=105293] on 16.12.2011 at 15:46
I have the ability to make a person realize his/her own worth. I can make depressed people laugh and feel happy, I really can. I could convince anyone that they are great, but never myself.

Believe me, there's no way in hell you could convince me that I'm great... there's not a single person on this planet who is capable of that.

What's up?

Written by [user id=2943] on 17.12.2011 at 18:26
What's up?

What's NOT up, would be a better question... lol Don't much feel like spilling my guts on here though...

Written by Angelic Storm on 17.12.2011 at 21:04

Written by [user id=2943] on 17.12.2011 at 18:26
What's up?

What's NOT up, would be a better question... lol Don't much feel like spilling my guts on here though...

You can always do that in a PM for me. As my fellow Estonian said, he can make you feel that you're great. I can do it too, and I think I can even do it better than him.

Written by Slayer666 on 16.12.2011 at 18:57

No offense to anyone here, but I find these sort of discussions a bit way too serious for an Online metal forum...

i find this topic is way TOO LATE!! how come its a "metal" forum and there wasnt depression/ mental thread so far!! it should be here long time ago

Written by Roro on 18.12.2011 at 01:19
i find this topic is way TOO LATE!! how come its a "metal" forum and there wasnt depression/ mental thread so far!! it should be here long time ago

I was quote surprised when I did a search that no previous thread existed.

Especially since genres like depressive black and (funeral) doom exist.

That what i meant. and as i see this topic is beating the love thread
i would pay anything to see a professional psychiatrist

Most professional psychiatrists here are offered free if the government considers it necessary. If you're a threat to yourself or to others they provide one. If you want to see one on your own then you've gotta dig out the check book.

Written by [user id=115335] on 18.12.2011 at 01:32
im thinking of finally visiting my GP to see if I officially have depression.

Don't let them diagnose you with something if you don't think it's appropriate.

My therapist tried to say I was bi-polar, manic-depressive, and psychotic. I took the drugs they gave me for a while and then quit cold-turkey after my stay in the psych ward. I haven't had any problems since.

Fortunately I moved across the country before they could test me again for an official diagnosis. That shit follows you for life if you're tagged.

Exactly. The worst part about being diagnosed is that, say in 5 years, you're all better but if you're ever involved with a police report or anything and they bring your name up, they see your diagnosis.

Then it's like, oh, we understand you have a problem with [insert mental illness] or whatever. Even if you literally haven't experienced any symptoms in the past 5 years.

Written by Ernis on 17.12.2011 at 23:41
You can always do that in a PM for me. As my fellow Estonian said, he can make you feel that you're great. I can do it too, and I think I can even do it better than him.

It's weird... I've just woken up from a bad dream, and thought I'd seen this message during it. I realise now what must have happened, is that I must have half woken up a while ago and seen this message, but thought it was part of my dream as I was still half asleep. :\

It is really not within anyone's power to make me feel that I'm great, but thank you for offering to try and help anyway. I appreciate it a lot.

Written by Angelic Storm on 18.12.2011 at 01:54

It's weird... I've just woken up from a bad dream, and thought I'd seen this message during it.

So people have nightmares of getting messages from me. Sounds quite badass. : )

Next thing is someone telling they have nightmares where I threaten them with sharp objects and chase them through the forest...

Anyways... I'm usually gruff very often but the best remedy against depression is simple: food, sport, doing something useful. When busy, you ain't got time to be all deep and tormented.

Definetely a lot of myself in these posts. For the most part though I'm a generally happy person. But, in my nature I can be extremely determined as my mom has observed from my younger years. Determination has led to a lot of obsessions though. I think I'd say I have a level of OCD and like what has already been said if you lead yourself obsess on negative aspects of life then you will get depressed. Thats why its useful practice a form of meditation if you can. Basically to train your mind to let things pass and be able to more efficiently focus on what you (not your obsessions) want to focus on is very beneficial. For me, I've found that skateboarding has been a form of meditation for me. When I'm skating and listening to music you have to be so focused on it to learn new tricks that it can get you into a deep trance sort of. I've found that when I don't go skate everyday and I sit at home doing nothing I can get depressed and feel like a piece of shit.

Written by Angelic Storm on 17.12.2011 at 21:04

Written by [user id=2943] on 17.12.2011 at 18:26
What's up?

What's NOT up, would be a better question... lol Don't much feel like spilling my guts on here though...

Sorry, I wasn't really asking you to tell people your personal problems on an internet forum. Ok, I kind of was: it's anonymous, no one will know. It's just that I've been on this site a few years and you always seem to be putting yourself down, especially in the love thread and I think it's sad. Don't you somehow believe, deep down, that you're fucking awesome? I do and I'm a loser haha.

Anyway back to the topic, I've been suffering from anxiety which started to affect me physically and it's horrible. Especially when it becomes an actual medical condition: it's completely different to just being worried or stressed on an everyday basis, and most people don't understand. I now understand a lot more about mental illness. I realise now how mental problems are actually like a disease.

Written by [user id=2943] on 19.12.2011 at 10:56
I realise now how mental problems are actually like a disease.

Simply put, they are. I mean most people don't really understand the term "mental illness".

It's easy to say "I feel depressed", but it's an entirely separate thing to literally be depressed.

That goes for all kinds of other things as well. I've been adamant about avoiding a diagnosis but if there was anything I'd agree with, it'd be that I suffer from severe anxiety. I don't really do well with leaving my house. :/

@Troy Killjoy: With anxiety for me I start worrying about something and then it gets in my head and I can't get it out. It's this worry that I'm conscious of every single second, 24/7. It doesn't matter what I do, I can be out having a good time or busy at work but it's still there. It imagine it's the same for people who are depressed as well. They could be out with friends or even having sex but somehow they can't be happy.

Definitely. Anxiety (like other mental illnesses) is a life-encompassing thing. It isn't subtle and it doesn't pick specific moments to make itself known. It's always there - and if you aren't feeling the effects, it only means it's going to attack you in a more significant manner later on.

I'm scared of the outdoors as much as I am the indoors. There isn't really anywhere safe when your mind is convinced to worry about everything*.

* I don't mean like "everything", I mean quite literally everything

I feel lucky because my anxiety began because of physical problems so there is a kind of rational explanation to it, if you get what I mean? It must be crap to be worried about everything. I hope you are fighting those demons! Kick the shit out of them!

Is my next coming birthday- depression counts here ??

Written by Roro on 19.12.2011 at 20:23
Is my next coming birthday- depression counts here ??

Aging is a major cause for depression to be honest.

Also, there's that whole Peter Pan complex...

Written by [user id=2943] on 19.12.2011 at 10:56
Sorry, I wasn't really asking you to tell people your personal problems on an internet forum. Ok, I kind of was: it's anonymous, no one will know. It's just that I've been on this site a few years and you always seem to be putting yourself down, especially in the love thread and I think it's sad. Don't you somehow believe, deep down, that you're fucking awesome? I do and I'm a loser haha.

Anyway back to the topic, I've been suffering from anxiety which started to affect me physically and it's horrible. Especially when it becomes an actual medical condition: it's completely different to just being worried or stressed on an everyday basis, and most people don't understand. I now understand a lot more about mental illness. I realise now how mental problems are actually like a disease.

It is anonymous, but even so, I don't really think an internet forum of this sort is the type of place to be bearing your soul. And no, I don't believe deep down that I'm awesome... I think I do have some good qualities, (which took me many years to admit to having) but fundamentally, I don't like myself at all.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression and nervous anxiety when I was 18, although I had those things for years before I was given a medical diagnosis. As Troy said, there's a difference between being depressed, which most people at some point in their lives feel, and having depression. Though a lot of people confuse the two. Are you getting any treatment for your anxiety?

Written by Troy Killjoy on 19.12.2011 at 20:48


Also, there's that whole Peter Pan complex...

its not necessary to be like Peter Pan, Vampires are immortal and powerful
(sorry for getting off the topic, but thinking in aging cause me depression really)

Written by Angelic Storm on 19.12.2011 at 21:11

It is anonymous, but even so, I don't really think an internet forum of this sort is the type of place to be bearing your soul. And no, I don't believe deep down that I'm awesome... I think I do have some good qualities, (which took me many years to admit to having) but fundamentally, I don't like myself at all.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression and nervous anxiety when I was 18, although I had those things for years before I was given a medical diagnosis. As Troy said, there's a difference between being depressed, which most people at some point in their lives feel, and having depression. Though a lot of people confuse the two. Are you getting any treatment for your anxiety?

I'm on a very small dose of antidepressants. About a tenth of the full daily dose for depression. It does help a bit to calm me down but ultimately I've got to do it yourself, got to work hard to try and relax but as you'll know it's not as easy as it sounds. I also started bodybuilding to give me a focus and give me some confidence.

I realised the difference between "being" and "having" when it became really bad and I thought about when I've been worried earlier in life, even for long periods... and the feeling just doesn't compare the medical condition.

I bet you have more good qualities than you realise. I've realised over the last few years that what I thought were negative things are actually positive and I'm a bit happier about them. For example, I'm a social retard: I'm incapable of making small talk with people unless I know them very, very well and am painfully shy. Now I notice the way some people talk to each other and the crap that comes out of their mouths is so insincere, petty and trivial that I'd rather not be a part of those kind of conversations, but I can still chill out and have a laugh and be daft when I feel like it. So there's something that I hated about myself but now feel good about.

You must be awesome anyway because you like Mortal Kombat.